Have you ever played cards with someone who does not have a poker face? Those clues they give in unconscious expression and gestures are called “tells.” And regardless of the game we’re playing for fun or in life, everybody has a “tell.” The “tell” is a great thing. You don’t want to suppress them or ignore them, but use them as a guidance system to know if you’re on the right track to what you want. Nonverbal intelligence decodes behaviors and helps us establish trust and make smarter decisions all around.
Joe Navaro is a former FBI counterintelligence officer and public speaker. In his book, What Every Body is Saying, he emphasizes that nonverbal behavior is 60 to 65% of all communication. Everything we do, even the most seemingly insignificant scratch or lean, is direction by some portion of the brain—we can learn to interpret these behaviors in ourselves and others.
The most well-known “tells” are our responses to distress: freeze, flight, and fight. Even when our distress response is not literally running or fighting, our brains react in the same way. Here are some interesting examples:
Freeze
Someone becomes very still, have shallow breathing, or keep their arms to their sides.
Flight
A person may lean away from the table, place an object on their lap, turn their feet toward an exit, rub their eyes, or put a hand on their face.
Fight
They may puff out the chest, violate your personal space, or assume an aggressive posture.
Examples of pacifying behaviors:
- • Covering the neck, such as playing with a necklace or adjusting a tie
- • Rubbing your forehead
- • Touching or rubbing your neck
- • Touching or rubbing your cheek
- • Exhaling with your cheeks puffed out
- • The “leg cleanser”—when sitting, pushing your hands from the top of your legs toward your knees
- • The “ventilator”—pulling on your shirt collar (for men) or tossing the back of your hair up (for women)
With just a little bit of study, you can recognize these behaviors in yourself and others and adjust your responses accordingly. We’re not encouraging manipulation, rather an understanding that allows you to create a deliberate situation for everyone’s good. For example, you come home and ask your spouse about their day. The answer is a simple, “It was fine.” But you notice a long sigh after the response. You can use the “tell” as input to change your behavior (possibly be a little more gentle and willing to help). That way you’ve learned to use a “tell” to create positive experiences in your life.
Financial Tells
What we’ve learned so far is that these “tells” exist, and they prove that how you think affects how you behave and the results you get. Let’s have some fun and apply unconscious limbic responses, or tells, to how you manage your finances!
We are all wired emotionally, so these responses play a huge part in how we create a financial strategy. The best we can do is to learn what our responses mean. Let’s say you’re trying to decide the best way to save for retirement. You’re wondering if there is a better way than Wall Street, so you’re meeting with a financial planner. Pay close attention to how your body reacts to the information you’re given.
When something is out of balance, we behave a certain way. You can call it a gut response or a reflex if you’d like. Either way, when you hear information that goes against your gut it feels uncomfortable. Taking that emotional part out of a financial strategy would be unwise. Here are a few responses that we would consider tells any time you’re talking to a financial advisor or even a trusted friend giving you financial advice:
Deep sigh and shoulders slump—inadequacy
Many well-meaning advisors will want you to think that you’re not smart enough to handle your own investing. They may drill into your head that the Wall Street conglomerate can handle my money better than you, so you should give over control of your investing to them. Unless you’re getting an employer match, that 401(k) may not be for you.
Face flushes from higher heart rate and butterflies in your stomach—risk taking
Sometimes greed gets the better of us and we feel taking higher investment risk will be the perfect gamble.
Breathing speeds up and eyes widen from the sinking feeling in your gut—fear of loss
If the market is going up and down like a roller coaster you’ll act out of fear and a scarcity mentality.
Recognizing your “tells” offers a powerful new way to navigate your financial choices. The good news is that when you catch the signs and feel the discomfort you’re most likely to course correct. What can you do to create a financial strategy that directly addresses each of these responses? We have the perfect solution. It’s called the Perpetual Wealth Strategy and it’s a model where you can grow your money outside of Wall Street, the risk, and the roller coaster.
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